The Trailer:
The camera fades in on a vaguely European dude barking orders in a thickly accented voice.
European Dude: I don't care who zey send, once ve have taken control of the banks and planted ze bombs in the city's water and orphan supply, they will be powerless to stop us!
Cut to a shot of bombs being lowered into a stream of water, then a shot of bombs being taped to orphans. We can still get away with doing that, right?
Narrator: When terror strikes.
Cut to a shot of those goons from Die Hard 2 looking all tough and menacing.
Narrator: The world is helpless
Have the goons open fire, sending policemen or possibly some national guardsmen running.
Narrator: But this Summer one man will refuse to give up. Show a silhouetted figure moving behind a wall, lurking in the shadows near the goons. One man will refuse to lay down and take it.
Cut to shot of someone bursting through the walls, tackling some goons while roaring angrily. Slow pan down to reveal our hero:
RasputinNarrator: This Summer, Rasputin will Die Hard!
Cut to shot of Rasputin screaming all angry like while one of the Die Hard Goons shoots him, but it doesn't stop him because he's Rasputin.
Rasputin: RAAAAAARRRRRGHAAAARRRRRGH!
He knocks the goon aside with one sweep of his terrible iron fist, only to be stabbed by another goon. Again though, he's Rasputin, and so he grabs the other guy by the throat and throws him off of the building that they're totally on top of. Cut to a shot of Rasputin sitting in a cafe, enjoying some soup.
WWaiter: Sir, I've been instructed to give you this note. The note reads, "HAHA, I Poisoned your food!"
Rasputin: RAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGRRAAAAAARRRRGH
Cut to the cafe exploding.
Cut to a shot of Rasputin landing, but looking all exploded, and killing a goon buy punching through his heart. Cut to goons talking about him.
Goons: We can't kill him! We've tried everything! We even tried to hang him! He won't die? What do we do? What do we do?
Rasputin: RAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGRRAAAAAARRRRGH
Rasputin bursts through the wall behind him and stabs him a couple of times with a knife that had previously been stabbed into his chest.
European Dude: Who are you? Why won't you die?!
Cut to a shot of Rasputin on the phone, talking to his estranged wife about his daughter's wedding.
REstranged Wife: So you'll be there? She wants you to give her away.
Rasputin: RAAAAAAAAARAAAAAARRRRGH!
Reveal Rasputin being choked by yet another goon that he destroys. He hangs up the phone. Cut to second explosion.
When the smoke clears, show Rasputin looking banged up, but not quite as much as Bruce Willis at the end of Die Hard 3, smoking from the blast.
Rasputin: I'm too old for this sh-- Cut to a third explosion, which reveals the title of the movie:
DIE HARD: RASPUTIN.
Cut to shot of Rasputin screaming all angry like while one of the Die Hard Goons shoots him, but it doesn't stop him because he's Rasputin.
Rasputin: RAAAAAARRRRRGHAAAARRRRRGH!
He knocks the goon aside with one sweep of his terrible iron fist, only to be stabbed by another goon. Again though, he's Rasputin, and so he grabs the other guy by the throat and throws him off of the building that they're totally on top of. Cut to a shot of Rasputin sitting in a cafe, enjoying some soup.
WWaiter: Sir, I've been instructed to give you this note. The note reads, "HAHA, I Poisoned your food!"
Rasputin: RAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGRRAAAAAARRRRGH
Cut to the cafe exploding.
Cut to a shot of Rasputin landing, but looking all exploded, and killing a goon buy punching through his heart. Cut to goons talking about him.
Goons: We can't kill him! We've tried everything! We even tried to hang him! He won't die? What do we do? What do we do?
Rasputin: RAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGRRAAAAAARRRRGH
Rasputin bursts through the wall behind him and stabs him a couple of times with a knife that had previously been stabbed into his chest.
European Dude: Who are you? Why won't you die?!
Cut to a shot of Rasputin on the phone, talking to his estranged wife about his daughter's wedding.
REstranged Wife: So you'll be there? She wants you to give her away.
Rasputin: RAAAAAAAAARAAAAAARRRRGH!
Reveal Rasputin being choked by yet another goon that he destroys. He hangs up the phone. Cut to second explosion.
When the smoke clears, show Rasputin looking banged up, but not quite as much as Bruce Willis at the end of Die Hard 3, smoking from the blast.
Rasputin: I'm too old for this sh-- Cut to a third explosion, which reveals the title of the movie:
DIE HARD: RASPUTIN.
lol, that is totally awesome XD
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